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Post by jana on Feb 10, 2005 19:19:46 GMT -5
and yet the pain of losing parts of myself that I can't get back gets greater as the days go by. We bought a house. I started a second job doing taxes just to be making money doing something that I do every year anyway. My baby will be 4 this year.......and he wants something I cannot give him. A baby sister. Her name would have been Jana. I have such great pain that somedays I don't want to go on. Yet; I know I have a child who needs me more than he needs anyone on this Earth. I am living in captivity and the person at fault is myself. I gave into the pain..I wimped out and gave up everything.
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Post by blueangel1975 on Feb 22, 2005 10:50:42 GMT -5
{{{{{{{{{{{JANA}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
MY GOSH HONEY HOW COME YOU HAVE NOT BEEN TELLING US THIS IS HOW YOU HAVE BEEN FEELING? HUN WE ARE ALL HERE TO HELP YOU AND GET YOU THRU ALL THIS. YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT THIS IN A WAY SUCH AS SO................YOU NEED NOT WIMP OUT AND GIVE INTO THE PAIN YOU SAVED YOUR LIFE AND GAVE YOUR SON A MOTHER. YOU HAD TO DO WHAT WAS BEST AT THE TIME SO THAT YOU COULD BE THERE FOR YOUR BABY. BELIEVE ME I KNOW THE PAIN TOO I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH MY OWN DEMONS ON THE SUBJECT. BUT THIS IS ABOUT YOU AND HOW MUCH YOUR LIFE MENT TO YOU AND HOW MUCH THAT BABY OF YOURS MEANS TO YOU..... YOU DID THE RIGHT THING SO DONT EVER SAY THAT YOU ARE A WIMP AND THAT YOU GAVE INTO ANYTHING WHAT YOU DID WAS SAVED YOURSELF AND THAT BABY OF YOURS. HAD YOU NOT GONE THRU WITH THE HSYT WHO KNOWS WHERE YOU MIGHT BE NOW AND WHAT MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED WITH YOUR SON. THINK OF ALL THE GOOD REASONS THE POSSITIVES TO HAVE DONE WHAT YOU DID. THE JOYS AND GOOD THAT HAVING THE HYST HAS DONE FOR YOU. LOOK AT THINGS DIFFERENTLY PLEASE. I AM BEGGING YOU TO EMAIL ME WHEN YOU GET THIS TO LET ME KNOW HOW YOU ARE. I LOVE YOU AND AM SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU IF YOU EVER NEED TO VENT LOOK ME UP I IWLL DO MY BEST TO BE THERE FOR YOU. LOVE YA LOVE YA TONYA
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Post by Francina on Feb 24, 2005 15:44:22 GMT -5
Jana,
Sorry I haven't responded sooner - I had an 11 day migraine that kept me away from the computer.
I am so sorry you are still feeling like this - I really wish there was something we could do to help you - I still think it might be wise for you to seek counselling to help you cope with this - I know it is difficult and I wish there was an easy answer - but sometimes we have to force ourselves past the pain of loss and look at what we have left - (((((((Jana))))))) I know it is difficult for you - but I know you are a strong woman and can overcome this!
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Post by jana on Mar 17, 2005 19:52:49 GMT -5
I am coming in once a day..but really have no words to express my life...so I say nothing at all.
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Post by Francina on Apr 25, 2005 17:47:42 GMT -5
Am so glad you are still popping in Jana - wish I could do more than send you a cyber hug - ((((((((Jana))))))))))
Now for the newbies - please feel free to post - we would love to hear from you.
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Post by jana on Apr 26, 2005 19:38:02 GMT -5
I am still in nearly daily. Hasn't been much going on in here. Will still try to post as people post.
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Post by vanna878 on May 11, 2005 19:45:06 GMT -5
i feel like ive lost my best friend. i wish i would never have had it done. its not like im planning on ever having kids or anything. it was just part of me. im 6 weeks post op and its been a long 6 weeks. my dr put me on an antidepressent but i dont think its strong enough. i go back to see him in a month. maybe he'll send me to a shrink. i didnt think this would bother me that much.
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Post by Francina on May 16, 2005 14:07:22 GMT -5
Vanna,
I am so sorry that you are struggling - Has the doctor put you on Hormone Replacement (HRT)? I know you are not alone in mourning - what you feel is normal - everyone goes through a sense of loss over what they have lost - for me I was able to cope by looking at what I gained which was - better health, no pain, no more bleeding 20 days out of the month as well as realizing that those body parts were not what made me who I am but they were controlling my life in a negative way - but everyone needs to find their own coping strategy over the loss. You are in my prayers!
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Post by vanna878 on May 19, 2005 20:02:53 GMT -5
no my dr hasnt put me on hrt. i am on effexor for mood swings and hot flashes. i wish i would never have had this done. i cant sleep or think. maybe i would be better off dead.
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Post by Francina on May 21, 2005 13:20:02 GMT -5
Vanna, Talk to your doctor - the meds you are on are an HRT if they are for mood swings and hot flashes - but you may need something stronger. What is happening that is causing regret? Is it the hormonal changes? Hang in there but be sure to see your doctor and let him know exactly how you are feeling so he can get you on a medication that can help with the hormonal changes! (((((Vanna))))) hang in there - it will get easier and better!
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Post by vanna878 on May 22, 2005 9:21:54 GMT -5
Francina, I am not on HRT. I am on effexor xr for the flashes and swings which is an antidepressent. i also got bad news on my mammogram this week. have to go back on tuesday and have some more films taken. plus i dont sleep much. its a wonder im still functioning at all. hopefully the dr will do some blood work when i go back and figure out what going on.
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Post by vanna878 on Jun 22, 2005 21:07:02 GMT -5
does anyone ever come in here anymore? no one is ever here to talk to. my mood swings are getting worse im afraid to call the dr and i want to quit this darn med. someone help me
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Post by Francina on Jun 23, 2005 1:34:29 GMT -5
Hi Vanna, I check in on the site a couple times a day - but when no one posts it is difficult to have a conversation with myself. I am not online much to chat because I work evenings and am currently trying to plan ds wedding for Sept. Don't be afraid to call your doctor - that is what they are there for - let him/her know that your mood swings are out of control - you can call your family doctor for this as well- you can also go to the natural stores to see if they have something that may help - Hang in there - hopefully I will get a chance to be on early evening on Monday.
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