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Post by jana on May 10, 2003 22:38:34 GMT -5
I think for me the emotional healing has been worse than the physical healing. I still have trouble with the baby thing...sometimes I could just cry. I try to hide the emotions...I hope it doesn't turn me cold and bitter. It is hard sometimes though to see pregnant people. Just have to pretend it's all okay and go on. I get tired of pretending though.......
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Post by Francina on May 10, 2003 23:24:42 GMT -5
(((((Jana))))) If I felt there was a chance of my conceiving another child I suspect I would also be in that grieving period as well. I learned a few years ago that the only reason I conceived at all was because I was on birthcontrol - yes birthcontrol - my body doesn't make the proper levels of estrogen and/or progesterone - and when I was on birthcontrol it made me normal. Last August when I developed a blood clot, I was immediately taken off the birth control pills, and I did go through a grieving time at that time because I knew that there would NEVER be a second child for me to raise. Mind you I was almost 40 at the time as well, which made accepting this much easier. My heart goes out to you, and I pray that you will get through this. For me I found it easiest to look at what I have as opposed to what I was missing out on, and this has given me some sense of acceptance and comfort! Keeping you in my prayers! If you ever need to chat or vent... I'm here for you!
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lifelongblade
Hysterspotter
Official Tea Maker
If you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours.
Posts: 13
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Post by lifelongblade on May 11, 2003 11:52:32 GMT -5
TEXT
Jana.... i had to reply to your message, as i know a little of what you are going through. I hasten to say i don't know "exactly" how you feel, because i think everybody has individual feelings and nobody knows exactly. But i can guess!
I can't have children either. My endo was so bad, and i had lots of scar tissue that carrying a child would have been difficult, if of course the miracle i needed to conceive had ever occurred. However i never really gave up hope. I always thought that Mr Right, or at least, Mr Half way decent, was going to come along, sweep me off my feet and give me his babies. Sadly that didn't happen.
I've spent all of my 20's battling with endo, i've had treatments and surgeries until i'm so sick of talking about it. I wish I knew NOTHING about endo.
And then to learn last November that i would need a hysterectomy was like a real blow to me. I'm just 31. I guess i knew it was coming, but felt that i could put it off forever really. So i guess now it's final. Can't put it back in can they if Mr half way decent makes his grand enterence into my life.
Unfortuantely, most of my friends and work colleagues have taken this last six months as "peak" production time and i have been surrounded by pregnant women and babies. My aunt told me, on the day that i found out i was going to have my hyst that to "buck me up" my cousin's wife is having her first baby. Yay. You can image how much that news cheered me up.
I dread becoming one of those women who just moan about "not being able to have a baby" all the time. I love kids, and to be honest i couldn't eat a whole one right now. But i always imagined that i would have one. A boy. His name is Henry, he has blonde hair and blue eyes, and is a real monkey. He exists in my heart and in my dreams.
I think it will take me a lifetime to get over the fact that i will never meet my boy. But i'm hoping in the mean time that i can finally get a lot of pleasure out of other peoples children. I have five gorgeous godchildren who are so precious to me it hurts.
So i know a little of what you are going through, and i know how much it hurts and that it's not easy. I'm trying desperately to find peace within myself, and i hope that one day, although i will always regret not meeting my son, i can accept that having my operation now is the best thing for me, and that maybe i had to be a little bit selfish in this lifetime.
I hope that you are well, and that you continue to be happy. All the best Blade x
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Post by Francina on May 12, 2003 21:12:13 GMT -5
(((((((Blade))))))) I can only imagine what you are going through. I am certain that God has something meaningful in store for you.... keeping you in my prayers hon!
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Post by jana on May 26, 2003 20:21:29 GMT -5
I was very blessed to have 1 child of my own....I have given much consideration to adoption here recently. I am just gonna wait it out and see. The good days are at least better than the bad ones these days! Thanks for all the encouragement.
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Post by blueangel1975 on May 31, 2003 21:43:48 GMT -5
LADIES I JUST HAD TO REPLY FOR I BEING IN MY TWENTIES NOW AND NOT HAVING ANY MORE CHILDREN CAN RELATE..........HOWEVER I FEEL VERY BLESSED FOR THE ONES I HAVE. I HAVE BEEN THRU THE CANCER BATTLE FOR 8 LONG YEARS BEFORE THEY FINALLY DECIDED TO DO A HYST ON ME. I WAS 18 WHEN I WAS TOLD THAT I HAD CERVICAL CANCER AND THAT THE CHANCES OF EVER HAVING A CHILD WAS VERY SLIM.....GOD BLESSED ME BUT MADE IT VERY CLEAR NOT TO TRY AGAIN. I WAS IGNORING ALL MY SIGNS OF PAIN AND PROBLEMS WITH THE CANCER TILL IT GOT TO THE POINT I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE. I REFUSED TO LET THE DOCTOR TELL ME I HAD THIS DREADED THING ALL OVER AGAIN, YET I HEARD THE WORD AND THE WALLS CRASHED. AS FAR AS NO MORE CHILDREN YES IT IS A VERY HARD THING TO HEAR AND FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NOT HAD THE BENIFIT OF THAT I FEEL FOR YOU AND CRY ALONG SIDE YOU FOR THAT IS A WAR ALL ITS OWN. HOWEVER WE ALL MUST PRAISE THE LORD THAT WE HAVE OUR OWN HEALTH AND ARE ABLE TO TRY AND MOVE FORWARD. IT HAS NOW BEEN ALMOST 6 MONTHS FOR ME AND I TELL YA IT HAS NOT BEEN EASY. ALL MY PRAYERS TO YOU AND REMEMBER IF ANY OF YOU NEED A SHOULDER TO CRY ON I AM HERE AND IF I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN THRU I CAN AT LEAST HELP GET YOU FROM HERE TO THE NEXT DAY. ALL MY LOVE FOR MY FELLOW SISTERS..........XOXOXO
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Post by jana on Jun 7, 2003 19:18:08 GMT -5
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Post by blueangel1975 on Jun 12, 2003 18:59:03 GMT -5
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Post by jana on Jun 15, 2003 17:15:03 GMT -5
I haven't tried professional counseling for several reasons...time being one of them. I may consider it iin the near future though. Thanks
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Post by Sable on Jun 18, 2003 13:20:45 GMT -5
Jana,
Thinking about you hun, let us know what the doctor says.
Sable
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Post by jana on Jun 20, 2003 21:18:46 GMT -5
I made an appointment with my regular doctor, and I was going to talk to him. Then his wife had their baby a few days before my appointment and I he was in such a good mood that I hated to tell him how I fell about pregnant people and new babies, so I made up some other excuse for being there. It is so hard to tell people how I feel sometimes. Today has been a bit better, but work was busy and I had little time to think! Hope everyone else is well.
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Post by blueangel1975 on Jul 5, 2003 9:00:32 GMT -5
Jana, just thinking of you and wanted to see how things were. keep posting and let us know. hope you are doing a bit better.
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Post by jana on Jul 5, 2003 18:22:29 GMT -5
I am doing some better for now. I think right now that I am so worried about the vaginal bleeding after 6 months that I haven't had my mind on anything else. thanks
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